Monday, 3 June 2013

Happy New Month: Welcome to our New Beginnings

Dear friends, I want to use this medium to appreciate the love , care , concern from everyone who through this medium have come into our world to help make the "exhaling" process, period a more manageable one.

We are about to move onto something more challenging, intriguing and deep that will cut across board making sure that every issue as it relates to the status of being a single parent is discussed.

On behalf of my Princess and I, we want to say a very big THANK YOU.

This is bringing me to announce to you all that Singlenaijamum is leaving this platform in a couple of days to another.

New Beginning 

Happy new beginning everyone xoxox

Tuesday, 21 May 2013

My Princess is 10!

 My Princess will be 10 years old on Thursday, 23rd May!

I am so excited.  I am planning a small party for her friends in school and another for her class in church on Sunday.  For the Princess, the Superstar, all she wants is a Violin.  Simple!

Friends, this is a serious matter.  An excited mother who wants to make it "happen" and a simple, merry-go-happy Princess that is not bothered about the party, just to have her own personal violin!

I need help.  How do I get her in the mood?

Tuesday, 30 April 2013

A Letter To My Bestie

I am so blessed to have friends that care and worry about me whenever I go on AWOL. This is to her ( you know yourself) and all who I hold very dear to my heart.

My darling, how are you doing? I have been so caught up again with work, I can't believe it myself. This is a miracle in itself cos most of last year all I was doing was structure how to commit suicide bt see the miracle of God, this year has been so hectic I barely have time to take a break. My dad is still in the hospital. I am yet to go see him. His bill is huge though due the gravity of his illness - near heart and liver failure!
 His phobia for hospital made the health detoriete to this level of almost losing him.

I am a mess right now dearie. I must confess and open up to you. I hear whenever the heavens wants to pour, it brings everything down with it. Mine is a sure good example.

My business is suffering a I am seriously lacking behind.

I should make u laugh? I managed to do 30 sit ups as my scheduled has become toooooo tight. I even cooked and baked a lovely cream cake for my Princess to snack on. I guess you could say I needed that to keep my mind off my stress and also remind myself that I am still good at baking cakes as my Princess birthday is approaching very soon.

I am sure being a single mother is more like being a SUPERMUM on a daily basis.

I have my hands really full and still have to wake up so early and sleep late. Its a beautiful life ( I envy myself)

I almost forgot, Princess school had their annual inter house sport last Thursday and she won a medal. Yes she did! The medal however was not for any of the races we talked about nor thought she would be put in but for 'Needle and Thread race'! Hillarious! Its all good, she won a gold medal that what counts! I still smile when I remember how the two of us had actually joked about it.

I miss you. Do have a blessed day dearie. Love you plenty

Friday, 19 April 2013

Just The Two of Us Gisting

When people get all excited about Fridays, I thought I knew it all as it spell out time to get down low and forget about all the stress of the week and all that.

I am joining everyone one to scream TGIF!

We are home this Friday! Yipppeeee! No location, no shooting and all the drama that is associated with it. So happy. Wow! I mean, time to do a recap with my Numero Uno Bff Princess.

Before I continue, I am so ashamed of me right now, weight wise! I am weight 90kg! That is not so cool! How come?

This discovery has been pending waiting for me to wake up to taking my health especially what I eat into serios consideration but being busy, saddled with so much on my plate kept blinding me to the reality that stared me in the face. Well, I went to the hospital during the week to have our samples checked for any likelihood of malaria or any other infection that could have followed u hme from on our shooting location. While waiting for our turn to ee h Doctor, my Princess urged me to check my weight. I did not think twice and onto the scale I went.

So now, its confirmed! I am fat!

Next step is how to work it out asap! must keep into my clothes as I am not planning changing my wardroipe so soon!

As we sit and gist about our week, my Princess adviced me against working out at home with my workout videos as I might not be so committed. Hmmm. Nice point. I will get a gym close by to register with. A new one at that.

The new term is being taking seriously too by my Princess but the school has planned their annual Inter-House Sport for this term. As the various practice for the event is heating up among the different house, there is a little snag.

In my Princess house, the house master wants her to run 200 meters, while his assistance thinks a 100 meter dash will get them a medal , which is better.

Mainwhile, as we sit to gist this evening, my Angel is painting a vivid picture and I couldn't help laughing.

"My mummy, can you just imagine them arguing about which race I should run? Let's see, that will be 300 meters all together? I am all chubby like you, I am not fat though. I can't run. Can't they see. Match pass will be just perfect."

I am sure there is still time to fix this. I am taking this up am doing something about it.

By the way, we did not wait to collect the results because my Princess is so scared of needles and screamed down the whole lab. I only went back today to pick up the results.

Off to the new gym tomorrow morning we go and hopefully, we will be faithful and consistent.

Have a lovely weekend everyone.

Wednesday, 17 April 2013

I-can-do-it-by-myself mentality is a LIE. I need a Village

Recently, I have read a few articles on some celeb single mothers and was amazed at the depth of what they go through.  The one that touched me most is the one by Jill Scott, a lovely, strong and honest Black sister. Coming back home to relate with this life as a single mothers are Omawumi  and Monalisa Chinda amongst others. I know there are many others ( It will be my pleasure to hear your stories, who knows, you might just be helping a sister remain strong to carry on).

Below are excerpts from May edition of Ebony with Jill Scott's own take on the life of a single mother and the struggles that we have to face.

On being a single-mom:
That I-can-do-it-by-myself mentality is a lie. I’m sorry if I hurt anybody’s feelings, but you cannot do it all by yourself. You need a village: some aunties, grandmoms, friends. I couldn’t do this by myself and would be a fool to think I could.”

On raising a young man:
It’s challenging being a single mom…No matter what I do, I’ll never be a man. Ever. I can show Jett how to be a thinker, how to enjoy music or how to feel, and to conquer. But I cannot show him how to be a man.”

On motherhood:
Motherhood is getting your hands and your feet in the soil…When Jett puts my face in his hands and tells me, ‘Mommy you’re so pretty’ or smells me, it’s so wonderful.”

On being sexy:
The way I see things, I think that’s sexy. The way I think and the way I pray, I believe, are very sexy. I’ve never been the girl with too few clothes on. My mother told me… ‘It’s what you don’t do that makes you sexy moreso than what you do.’…”

Love the honesty!

Our Own Diva......Omawumi......The Wonder Woman

In an interview with Channels TV, Omawumi allowed access into a part of her personal life.

There was question on whether she regrets bringing a child to the world during that period of her life, Omawumi responded ‘She was more important than everything and everyone else‘.

She also confessed that people close to her had tried to talk her out of it but she that she ’had a blind conviction that nobody could talk her out of’. ‘Of course people tried to talk me out of it. I said let the career fall, I will back my daughter and sell tomatoes. She is more important to me‘.

She also talked on her marital status: ’I didn’t come with that intention to be a single parent, however, now that I’ve found myself in that position, I’m going to enjoy and walk in the stride until when God brings the man that will come and you know

Nollywood Screen Diva ...... Monalisa Chinda

Nollywood actress, Monalisa Chinda has stated that being a single parent is neither funny nor fun.

“One thing I regret most is the fact that I am divorced. Where I come from I am the first daughter. I am from a royal family. It has never been on record that the first daughter will walk out of her matrimonial home.

But it is a matter of life and death otherwise I would have stayed back and make my marriage work.
I tried to make it work but it takes two people to tango. That’s the only thing I regret, raising my child without the father.

It’s a bit painful. But I have to live with it. It’s better that way than to expose my daughter to all sorts of domestic violence. It will definitely disorient her and affect her upbringing. She will be dis-functional. God knows best,” she said.
She was speaking to Nigeria’s Showtime Media, about her former marriage and love life when she made the statement.
I would love to remarry. In fact, I am designed to be under a man. I am not going to lie that I like this single mother nomenclature.

I am striding daily with the grace of God through this journey of life. What else can I say when a lot of single mothers are out their carrying their own cross with different stories?

Need I say I need you all to help steady this 'load' from falling off?

Monday, 15 April 2013

Waking Up to My New Reality

 Its been another hectic weekend gone with all the 'dry runs', Roll tape!, 'Action!', 'Quiet on set!' All mouth on Mute! Yes, that's how my weekend was spent while I was on set with Princess and the rest of the cast crew.

The whole experience is becoming one that we look forward now. Princess making sure she got her lines right and myself making sure that she has the right costumes ready for each scene.

About that........hmmmmm. I need to be pinched to wake up to the real world and accept the fact that my little girl is growing so fast and so are are size.  I mean some features are beginning to show in their appropriate places and yet I am yet to get it that a security watch is next on the agenda of my 'to-do' list as a single mother.

I mean for instance, her shoes are no more found in the children section at 9years!  She is now wearing a size 38!.

Should this be an indication that I should buckle up for more time during shopping? Extra time trying to shop for her.  I hope you understand what that means under this hot sun these days in Lagos. Secondly, going all pink is another trait I am having to deal with. I try but when you look and see her cute face innocently stare at heart just melts.

The time for these different takes on set just made me look forward to our getting back to Lagos and into our hotel room that I had planned and booked for in advance before we left for Abeokuta, Ogun State. I mean a one night stay away from home at least so we can rest with quaranteed light and no cooking, no generator noise.

Its been refreshing and I am ready for the hustle of Monday and Princess is ready to resume school tomorrow.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend and a beautiful week ahead.

Thanks for stopping by.


Tuesday, 9 April 2013

On Emotional bruises and wounds

I am sharing this piece by my friend MIU. What's your take on this? Please share. Thank you.

There is this false impression that people have of relationships, especially when it has to end. Perhaps you have heard that "even when it has to end, broken hearts will mend" or "with time you will heal." In truth, it is not every relationship that ends with bruises and wounds.

This is not to overlook the pain of disappointment and the challenges in moving On. Some suffer in pain, yet some others move forward in style. So relationships when they end, actually can empower some people to make rational decisions in the future; and creates an opportunity for one to finally be thankful of the time spent together.End of relationships should never usher in hate, and as long as the one you are hating is not contributing to your healing, why waste time hating them? When it ends, make new discoveries and move on. If you can see, you will notice that no one stands behind closed doors.

Is it that simple?

Monday, 8 April 2013

My Housekeeper and The Lessons I Learnt.

I have plenty gist that have piled up and choking me to spill. I mean, not with Sykik on my neck , I cannot but try rushing them all so I get them all out.  By the way babe, you are the best ( am I qualified for the giveaway too?)
My new housekeeper showed me pepper. I know......I was warned but I thought I was an exception and could handle mine differently.  Well, I have been proved wrong. 

Let me start from the very beginning. Last December, I got a young lady of 17 years who had just finished her senior secondary examination and was bent on furthering her education.  This I admired greatly at the time until the bubble boosted. This was going to be for a couple of months until she made up her mind of either staying longer with me ( instead of her Uncle's place whose sons who always teased her alias made passes at her). I accepted her senior sister's terms as I really did need an adult to be home with my Princess)

I thought it wise to enroll her for extra classes while we awaits her results.  Unknown to me, the results were out and she didnt make her papers. So instead of extra classes for JAMB, it turned out she had to retake her final secondary school certificate exams again as an external candidate.  Oooouch! It was fine by me but............

My shock was too much as my girl wanted to work in a restaurant than go for the extra lessons as she explained to me that I was going to be wasting money sending her for these classes when  she still had until next year to enroll again because she had not registered on time this year.

Secondly, I observed that her senior sister kept calling her more often than she opened up to give me gist of the reasons for the differednt calls. I did not find it funny as in , was there something going on that I needed to know but was being covered up?

I only got to find out about a few weeks ago, I got a call from her one early Monday morning saying there was going to be a burial of one of their relations on that Friday and she wanted my new girl to attend with her Uncle who lives not too far from my place. I suspected foul play. So instead of allowing their ploy to work, I played along and surprised them both by asking her to quickly move her things to her Uncle's place that morning instead of waiting till Friday when they will be leaving because she might miss out on some important family shopping.  She was shocked and began crying so much I wondered why.  Was there more to this whole drama?  Whether she was leaving on Tuesday, or Friday, it did not make any difference to me as I had made up my mind that once she left my house , she wasn't coming back.  Secondly, was she planning to execute any hideous plan or what?  I am not a Prophet, but the whole drama got all my senses on all alert.

So, standing right by her as she tearfully packed her things ( I quickly got her a new travelling bag from the ones I have at home, so she will look all tushed et al), I made sure all that she was packing was all she brought to my house.  I got this........smiling inside me.

The girl and her Senior sister thought pulling a quick one on me will crumble my defence and help their plans.  I am still so shocked that a smart girl like that could be manipulated like that all the way from their hometown by the senior sister and me was their guinea pig?  Na lie!  Yes , I have recently got my hands full of so many things , all needing my attention but I can never be so blinded by anything where my Princess is involved.  Yes, I was getting to relax and be lazy , if I am allowed to say so cos of the extra hand I got in fixing things around the house but again , the fear of Boko Haram and all these security messages one has been getting is enough wake up call for any Nigerian.

I gave her some money and told her to call me when she got back and let me know whatever she wanted.  Big LIE! Immediately she left, I left messages round my compound and with our security man never to let her into the compound ,my flat and most importantly , my Princess!

I am sure her senior sister wanted her to go work in some food canteen / restaurant and be paid money instead of her finishing her education. I called her and explained to her how she was stalling her sister's education.  She is the last born for goodness sake. It did hurt me so bad but I am sure her family knows what best for her.

Called her twice with different numbers and she told me they are yet to travel to their hometown for the burial.  Woooow! Good radiance.

That phase is gone.......moving to other things.

Tape Rolling..........Action!

Its good to be back home! I am sure this will be as shocking to you all as its been for me for the past few weeks and especially over the weekend as it all started falling into place

My Princess is through with her examination  and home for the holiday.  Is that so?  Naaaaaa.  She is so not on holiday as she got a lead role in a new family sitcom coming up soon.  Yeah, I know, my Princess is growing and venturing into new things.

The shooting location was the beautiful town of Orimerunmu. Wondering where that is?  Its in Ogun State, just a little after the Redeemed Christian Church of God camp on the Abeokuta Expressway.

We got to location on Friday, as shooting in earnest and was I surprised at the way my Angel handled her role scene after scene.

By the way, my Princess is officially being costumed by no other than our own one and only CEO of Revamp Definition, Che.

The rest of the gist will be posted as the they unfold.

This is where I say its a wrap for today.

Have a lovely week everyone.

Tuesday, 2 April 2013

Blanked Out!

Happy Easter my people of Blogville.

I have been away for a whole one month! I  know, its so unlike me but the reason has been so heavy that confiding in my closest pal, Simply Mee was what jolted me back to reality.  @Sykik stop nosing for gist, its not healthy! I don warn you bi dat!

I apologize for keeping you all in the dark about what was going on with me all this while. I really am.

Let me first go back and wish all mothers, happy belated Mothers day. Happy Easter to you all and a happy New month. Wishing you all my friends and followers all the best you wish yourself.

You all would be asking what happened to me, right?  I took time off to sort out my emotional side that was getting some form of serious attention and I simply crumbled all of a sudden!  Yeah, I, superwoman, macho mama, came crashing all to my knees .

I completely blanked out! I mean, who is ever ready for love again after being so single all these years?  Let me do a little reflecting here;

Being a single mom is one of the hardest things a sazzy, beautiful, and bold young woman can face in a life time ( at least until her title changes).

There are those times when issues that needs instant addressing especially these emotional ones that causes me to be all jelly, frail without knowing if its the right thing to do, and at the same time so ashamed to discuss it just beacuse I won't want to make another mistake again all in the name of love.

I mean I simply recoil back into my shell, blank out , lock out every other person and try to sort out this feeling.  I mean, I need answers to what the right of this shift in feeling is all about. Fear, depression, unhappiness sets in all at this time and I have to reach out to the me on the inside for answers. 

What are the signs that a single mother is ready to date again?  Should I get some counseling to get myself prepared for the new life? How do I get my Princess into this new phase? What if I will never want to try love again? Where is my instinct when I need it most!

Saturday, 2 March 2013

Desiring the Unattainable

The new month is opening me up to a whole new world of craziness and desires so odd and unattainable. No, I am not in love with anyone yet ( even though the offers have recently been pouring in). I have lots to gist you all about in the next few days.

What is this thing with the colour blue?  I was listening to Luther Vandross collections and I realized I needed something odd in blue! I am going gaga, but that what makes me Ritty!


Chorus of Luther Vandross Song Buy Me A Rose
"Buy me a (blue)rose, call me from work,
Open a door for me, what would it hurt
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes  
These are the little things I need the most in my life ..... 

Why a Blue Rose?

Well, I like it cos its rare and also learnt that a perfectly blue rose is still elusive like the perfectly black rose.
Blue roses cannot be achieved naturally so they represent the unattainable or the mysterious. Blue roses therefore embody the desire for the unattainable.

They say "I can't have you but I can't stop thinking about you"


Friday, 1 March 2013

My Princess has Trypanophobia

My Princess didn't go to school today.  She has been under the weather with slight headache and running nose for the past two days

I panicked at first because she rarely falls ills and secondly because her exams are fast approaching and didnt want her falling behind in her grades.  I made a call to Doctor Timi, who promised to come see her last night or first thing this morning if the headache persisted. 

 I need to mention here that my Princess is so like her mother in so many ways than one.  The last time I wrote about phobias I didn't mention that my Princess has her's as well! My darling has phobia of needles, that is Trypanophobia! What a name!

She didn't go to school today and I watched her take her drugs and later slept off before leaving the house this morning.

Maybe lollipops, ice creams, chocolates etc should be given to my Princess to make love hospitals and injections too.I just wonder what will happen in a few years time when she will be all grown up and may want to have her Brazilian hair fix?  Or maybe have some medical checkups done and have her blood samples taken?  I guess I have to wait till then to know what to do.  In the meanwhile, I am keeping in touch with my housekeeper at home, making sure she fills me in on all that is going on with my Princess, until I get back home later in the evening.

Wonderful job we mothers do.  I love this life.

This is wishing you all my friends, followers a wonderful weekend.  There's going to be some 'owanbe' party this weekend and I hope to keep you all posted.

Thanks for all your comments, emails and phone calls.  Please keep them coming. I appreciate

Wednesday, 27 February 2013

What Football will Cause

I am an unofficial Super Eagles supporter for LIFE! I mean did you watch the last Nations Cup? Okay, I did. Our result? The whole world is still talking about it. You can google it just to be sure, lol But whenever these European league matches are being played, forget am, I am another babe enitrely! I am one of their greatest supporters. Number one ManU fan. You can't try me at all. Don't bother asking me the match fixtures oo. I am only aware when I follow @ruggedybaba alias Rugged Man. He is so in tuned and updates me on Twitter. I trust him no bi small as I might be in traffic on days these matches are being played. Yesterday's match between Barcelona vs Real Madrid. It wasn't a joke. Tension was heavy as friends were throwing tantrums at the slightest provocation e.g **ororo no dey fade** #yh, sure! CR7 no fade. **oba nor dey go transfer ooo** #ehn! If I hear am! Tooth(merci)less Messi go pass transfer dis nyt. #Remix: ***ororo nor dey fade, but oba fit go transfer eeeeh*** Have you ever been to an event center to watch any of the European league matches? Na wah, enough saliva for your face as matured men scream at each other just to pass their views across. Imagine a babe, a die-hard fan in such an environment! I mean, the guys will give way and allow her show off her football commentary skills for once. My sleep was interrupted last night even after I put up my favourite display picture on my blackberry so my friends and loved ones will not allow me to sleep. I didn't want to be asked to comment about the match in the first place because I would have stepped on some toes and made a few enemies. But I had to wake up, mediate in the little drama that had brewed in the group and off I went back to sleep. I learnt that the beefing is still on. I guess its okay, that's football for you. It tears friends apart and brings them back again by the next match even with all the screaming, hating, beefing and saliva being poured on ones face. Its in the spirit of the game. This beefing should be over by the next match.......hopefully. My beloved ManU, please, as I am praying for you in advance , make sure you do so terrible damage to Real Madrid when they come. I am predicting 3goals to 1. I know I will be reading my tweets for all the updates even as I watch the match. #TeamManusupporterindeed!

Monday, 25 February 2013

Wife Wanted: I am a Single Dad and Grandfather @ 40!

A few questions kept flooding my mind as I pondered over Kenneth’s plight. He is a gentleman to the core, a successful business man. He could pass for a married man at least until he opens up. Kenneth sent me an email over the weekend. A very touchy one at that! It reads I am a single father, a grand father at 40! "I had my son back then in 1990 when I was my first year in the University with my secondary school lover. Now, my 23years old son has a son December, 2012. I didn’t marry my secondary school lover because our parent thought we were too young and had our education to face. Years passed and we never came back together and I have remained single, lonely ever since. No lady wants to marry me once they hear that I have a son as old as my son. I wonder why? I am a responsible man, a good father. What could be the problem? I really want to get married and settle down with a good woman. Now that I am a grandfather, will it reduce my chances of finding a wife?" Replying Kenneth was an easy task because , I have this picture in my head that finding a wife, a relationship for a single father shouldn’t be that difficult. I mean after all , unlike single mothers, they have the spark to make it all work out for them while ladies keep burning on the inside, waiting for the right man to come along. However, I did my best and consoled Kenneth that as it is with single dads, single moms are not left out if not have much more challenges as she cant walk up to any man she desires but instead silently burn and the heartaches continues. Phew! Single dads are human after all.

Thursday, 21 February 2013

A Concerned Heartbroken Father writes

A concerned and heart broken father sent me this email after reading the last post. I am sharing with you all. I write today from my heart. Its been a while I did this as I prefer leaving all such where they originate. Thanks to twitter, I barely have to watch Television anymore. Twitter also exposed me to something else; Hurt. Hurt in many lives, cutting across religion, geographical boundaries and barriers of all sorts. While its not new to say that society is turned upside down, there are new stories that would shock you. I am hardly moved emotional but some of these stories once made me cry and go all angry inside. Today, I am not analyzing or even trying to analyze any of these scenarios. I will not try to explain why these happen or why someone shouldn't have done one thing of the other. Some people have cried to the point that their tear glands have taken compulsory vacations! In some, pain and grief have turned to hatred made them almost incapable of loving another human again. But I say there is hope. Like someone said, 'Our sons teeth should not be on edge because their fathers ate sour grapes'. Yes, someone missed their priorities in life, yes someone took your precious love and defiled the sanctity of your existence. Yes, your heart has been broken, yes, you don't even see any reason to live again! To everyone going through one hurt or the other, regardless of the degree, I insist here is HOPE! WHY? Because even horror movies have an end! You must stay strong, you must fight on! I understand its been a hard long fight, I understand you've been wounded in battle, I understand you are running short of ammo, I understand you may have even lost the battle, but wake up! The war isn't over! For the sake of our children, we must fight. Our children MUST not suffer the same fate as we are now, or from the consequences of this situations. Look away from the matter, let the pain and all the hurt go, LIVE again!, RISE, yes RISE, RISE above that storm, yes above that hurt, RISE above the calamities and circumstances of the present, RISE because you can, RISE because you will, RISE because you must, finally, RISE because.....I believe in YOU. God Bless you!

What is wrong with this pose?

A friend of mind sent this to me this afternoon , calling my attention to why some young responsible men won't ever be ready for marriage. I tried to ask him questions what it was about but he insisted that I opened the email first. Now I understand his anger. Friends what do you think? Is the society responsible for this too? What is wrong with this dress sense? NB: picture gotten from source

Tuesday, 19 February 2013

A wife's Cry............"I feel Like Killing My Husband"

I got this from a friend and was given the permission to share as the lady in question needs all the advice she can get to be able to be able to get through her present situation. A Conversation this afternoon: Lady: "uncle Mike I hate my husband, I feel like killing him." MIU: "please don't kill him yet. What did he do?" Lady: "can you imagine? He made my best friend pregnant. Please what should I do, I am going crazy? MIU: "Eh yeaa...sorry eh. But I don't think you should kill him yet ok." Because there are only two scenarios that can provoke you to that point...and you... are not in those..." Lady: "which are? MIU: First scenario "if he promised you marriage and then marries your sister while you are pregnant. And Scenario two is: if you have children with him and he turns round to marry your best friend." In both cases my dear, you don't have to kill him but you are free to use him for money ritual. Lady: "oh Uncle Mike I am just laughing. What can I do without you? MIU : "A lot my dear, a lot. You can do the ritual without me." Lady: "hahahahaha." Please folks, do you have any advise to add for her? She will be reading. Thanks.

ECOMOG Single Mum says....."I hate Junior, because he reminds me of Timothy" !

Ever wondered why would a mother have such a thought? I have contemplated suicide many times, not because my Princess was the issue here , her dad maybe , but never would I give room for a devilish thought to roam freely in my subconscious mind. Me? Hate Princess? Why would I think of such a thing? Uyai's had her reasons. A few days back, I ran into an old friend, Uyai. We have been friends from way back in the secondary school but had lost contact. She was not looking her pretty self. I couldn't wait but ask her what was wrong with her. She couldn't fight back the tears. We were by the road side, I suggested we head for a close by eatery to sit and talk about it. This was more serious than I thought. She began by taking me back to way back when we were bubbling teenagers and her crush back then, Timothy. Of course, who wouldn't remember Uyai and Timothy. They were an item amongs us all then. Tribal difference wasn't a problem for their love. Their parents had a different perspective to these things. He was from the Bauchi (Northern part of Nigeria) and she was from Ikom,in Cross River State. Timothy joined the Army. Back then, it was an achievement to be in the Nigerian Army. Everything was heavenly. Name it, free transportation, free accommodation in the Barracks, school was subsidized for kids. Life was good as a soldier man's wife. That was until Timothy was called up to join the Peace Keeping Force in Liberia (ECOMOG). Timothy was so happy. He was going to be paid in Dollars! That was all that he was thinking about, not his young wife and kid that he was leaving behind. Another hidden agenda was of course the curiosity to find out how true the stories that the first set of troops sent back on how the women in Liberia were lovely to behold. Timothy's mind was already made up. Uyai got to know very late of this excitement that was eating Timothy up. He joined the others in Liberia and that was the end of their marriage so to say as he stopped writing, calling and eloped from there with the other woman that he met and married in Liberia. Life! Now every time Uyai sees Junior, she is all infuriated with hatred. I went over to hug her and gave her a very good back rub ( I suspected that should work cos it does work for me when I am all broken up inside). My once bubbling, pretty Uyai is now a single mother and a confused woman. I bet the pain is more because she had a pretty picture of "ever after" in her mind set for marriage. Sincerely, is the child to blame? What has little Junior got to do with his father's irresponsible attitude of eloping with another woman and abandoning his family? Should there be a law protecting a serving officer's wife who leaves family on "AWOL"? *( AWOL [ˈeɪwɒl], A.W.O.L. adj(Military) Military absent without leave; absent from one's post or duty without official permission but without intending to desert)

Monday, 18 February 2013

RE: When A Married Bachelor Hurts

Hello friends. How was our weekend? I am going to share this reaction to the post on Tobi and Bolu. I have a few others but this came in first. Enjoy. "I read the post about Tobi and Bolu. I want to say here that theirs is a very delicate issue and should be handle with care. However, there are too man variables to consider as regards this couple. Too man implications and consequences at the slightest mistake. Firstly, the wife may be hiding something , whether good or bad, that's the first instance. Secondly, the wife ma have calculated before hand that the cannot handle another child but didn't know how to "preach" it to her husband, Tobi, to use a condom or assume he should have known better. Case two. This could be Bolu's thinking as a woman, being sensitive nature. Thirdly, Tobi, ma have offended his wife without knowing and she's reacting to it in the best way she can - denying him his rights to her bod and her heart. This is case three I can go on and on on this issue on hand here but like I had said earlier, the variables and "what-if's" about this matter is much if the get it wrong. There is simply too much consequences to be suffered from it. The are sitting on a time bomb! Sooner or later, the must either dissolve the issue or the issue will dissolve them. This is my take on this couple. I hope I was able to help. Thank you for the opportunity to use your page to get this across to this couple. NB: I am open to receiving from you on what you think of this contribution

Thursday, 14 February 2013

Happy Valentine's Day

This is wishing all my friends and loved ones a lovely Valentine's day. Do I have a Valentine's date? Yes I do. My Princess is on mid-term break and we are going out later when I get back home. How lovely I know you are wondering , why not a real date. Well, that's what I got this year, lol. Sending you this virtual box of love Have fun everyone

Wednesday, 13 February 2013

Hurting Married Spinster

This is another email I got and I am asking for your advice again. I am going to be bringing these emails as they come because I believe we can all be of help to a hurting heart. My name is Celine. I went through your profile and was sure we have a few things in common. You are a single mother , right? Well, there is no much difference between us. I have a daughter just like you. Unlike you , I am married in every sense of the word but a spinster. You may wonder why I am saying this. This is my story I married my husband in 2001. We had my daughter in 2002. Life was beautiful, just like I had prayed and believed God for. That was until an opportunity came for my husband, Odinaka, to go for a short study course in the United States of America. We were more than happy.....greener pastures. This was avenue for our economic situation to be bettered than what we had back then. I didn't object but joined hands with him to see that he met up with all that he was required to do to make a successful trip. He left for the United States in 2003, he hasn't been back ever since. I have hoped and prayed that he will come back home to us. He calls, sends money, but what is that my sister compared to the challenges a young woman like myself is having to go through on a daily basis? I have cried so many tears and things keep looking the same. I know he is now married to another 'oyinbo' wife and kids too, but he keeps calling to say he loves me. That has been the story for years now.I have applied for US visa but denied on 3 different occasions. I burn for a man to hold me at nights. When things are beyond me, the challenges of being a parent weighing me down, I cry and my health has been affected too. I am only human. Please tell me, how do you cope as a single mother? Do you think its normal for me to believe that I am still a married woman? I have so many questions my sister and I feel I can share these hurts with you. I don't socialize as I would want to, I would very much want to connect with a matured man and not feel guilty but my situation needs counsel. I hope to hear from you. Thank you. Your friend, Celine I am not in Celine shoes but I can relate with her pains, hurts and stigma that are present status. What advice do you have for this sister, please share.

Tuesday, 12 February 2013

When A Married Bachelor Hurts

How I have come to find myself in this position can only is beyond me. I mean, what do I know? I just mind my business and trying to heal daily - as a work-in-progress single mother. Daily, I find myself interacting with a lot of people on different issues as parents ( and parenting); either married, separated, single, divorced or the latest, married single and come to the conclusion that a lot of married men are hurting.
Its a wonder how come they are still hanging in there ( I want to believe for others to share from their experiences too).
I have agreed to share and ask you all to help advice these new sets of friends of mine . We all can help a broken heart heal, who knows, helping a marriage get back together, a hurting child's prayers might just come through as the parents come back together again. I want to start with one that is so touching. He really needs advice on what to do. Tobi, is a bubbling young man. Hard working and a dedicated business owner. He is married to his high school sweetheart. Her name is Boluwatife. Tobi, is a few years older than Bolu. Back then in school, Tobi was two classes ahead of Bolu, and she accorded him so much respect that after high school it continued until their relationship blossomed into a romantic one which later led into them getting married. Life couldn't have been any better for Tobi as he thanked God daily for being so blessed. They had a son soon after their wedding and both families where excited and continued to pray for the couple's progress. In other to help her hubby, Bolu, got a job with Lagos State Ministry, a welcome relief it was for Tobi as business wasn't looking too good for him.
As months went on, Bolu got promoted (she is now a senior manager with better remuneration) and Tobi business nose-dived daily. He sourced for other means to keep his family but the bedroom became a war zone. Worried about the change in his wife, Tobi, would always call his parents or his in-laws to intervene and to make peace as that was the only medicine that cured their ailing marriage. However, as much as both parents didn't want their children's home to break up, they soon got tired and confronted Tobi to work out his problems with his wife and not involve them any longer. Confused Tobi, who had no intention of having extra marital affairs started having second thoughts. He loves his wife and son deeply but this was getting more depressing daily. Bolu couldn't be bothered. She denied him sex and wouldn't sleep in the same bedroom with her husband. A whole year and six months denying her husband sex was enough to crumble Tobi. She did cook though, aside that, nothing else.
On one of those days when the parents intervened, they had the bedroom to themselves. Tobi, was happy. He thought the silent treatment was over and his wife was back to her lovely self. Unknown to him, a few months has passed and she had gotten pregnant without his content of having another child. He only noticed when the pregnancy had gone 6months! Confused,Tobi kept wondering how did this happen. There was no plan for another child. At least not until his finances had improved compared to what they had at the momemt. For all he cared these thoughts of his weren't in line with Bolu's as she had her own plans and didn't want Tobi in any of them. He is afraid of what the wife might do next. He is contemplating going out and getting into an affair. So many thoughts flooding his mind and worst is he is not even sure if the pregnancy is his own! He has been sleeping on the couch now for months! His business is not doing as he had anticipated. He is proud and loving father but his son has seen more than enough for a little child his age to be able to conclude that something is not right between his parents.
I got a call last night from Tobi that his wife has put to birth a baby girl. He is not a happy man. In a few days it will be the naming ceremony of the baby. Will he be naming a child he is not sure is his own? Will the wife bring up some pranks to show to the world he is the man he used to be? What a lot of questions! I need for us to help Tobi at least get his mind back and if not for anything his pride back as a Man , happily married and not a married single hurting man. Thank you

Sunday, 10 February 2013

Super Eagles are African Champions!

I am indeed proud of being a Nigerian! Wonderful feel I must tell you! This is going to be my shortest post ever. I can't contain the excitement as I am sure a lot of Nigerian in and around the world must be celebrating this victory of the Super Eagles in the just concluded CAF Nations Cup! Three gbosa! Gbosa!! Gbosa!!! Let me get back to my noise making parrrrring

Thursday, 7 February 2013

SNM "Me-Time" Valentine Giveaway

In the past few months of my blogging, I have come to appreciate motherhood more than ever before, whether single, married or divorced. Recently, I have been introduced to another set of parents - the single dads. Oh yes. There are a lot of single dads these days that are hurting and going through a lot and would very much want to mingle or have someone listen to their hurts and pains too. I have my ears for everyone these days I must confess.
Another set are the married singles. This is another story altogether. Its a beautiful world we live in these days and until you come to listen to another hurting parent whether single or not , mom or dad, you will never know the extent to which their world revolves. A lot is going on behind closed bedroom doors.
I am going to be giving out a few more surprise gifts to these different set of parents. I hope it does make you smile and enjoy every moment of your parenting life. Here it is! How would you like to take some “me time” and get pampered with a manicure/pedicure?! Two of my readers will be getting this giveaway. A babe and a dude are going to be ramdomly picked as winners. To Enter: Please let me know why you think you should be pampered this way *smiles Also how do I do it all as a parent ( mom /dad)? Secondly, what do you do to keep yourself calm and get through the day(mom /dad)? Winners will be notified via email. It is available to those living in Lagos only. Hugsxxxx

Tuesday, 5 February 2013

My Dual Perspective Read

Sometime last week, I came across this book "The Mother Dance" By Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. I was attracted to it by the title as well as the sub title "How Children Change your Life" I couldn't agree anymore better than to pick up a copy ( It was the only copy) and I have been having a discovery into my own dual perspective of my life as a mother and as my own person.
Books can be a great source for motivation and inspiration, particularly when you're feeling stalled. I want to thank @Sykik for her email. You can check your in box for more on the mail you sent me. What are your favorite books that you have picked to read or reading now? Please Share with me.

Its World Nuttella Day!

Today, 5th of February, in many countries all over the world, (Nigeria not left out) lovers of Nuttella spread are uniting. #Yummythoughts
Nuttella spread is no stranger on many breakfast tables the world over, on both children and parents toast every morning. I have found some quick fix for those early morning rush that has kept me sane over the years. So, I am joining lovers of Nuttella spread to enjoy the day and the memories of the past. I know like me , a lot of you have spreads that have become your favourite over the years. Okay , maybe not a spread, what is it? Please can you share this with me? I just wonder if its possible to have our own Nigerian household favourite noodle, Indomie Noodles, set a day aside for it? #thinking
My favourite is the Indomie pepper chicken flavour in the the super pack size.

Monday, 4 February 2013

My Phobia vs My Health

A few days back, I got so busy that I broke down. I mean something inside just snapped and I had to slow it down. I realized that I need to constantly check how I push myself to achieve my targets. I drive myself to the extreme sometimes. Oh yes I do. Its not funny, but I can't help myself. I am an ADDICT! It had to take friends to help me relax a bit. @ Sykik, I still want that vacation, don't think I have forgotten.
Anyway, I have to confess that as I get older ( na so) I have to watch what I eat and go for regular check ups.I am surprised at myself, I could have sworn that I am as fit as I look ( I don't look like a horse *smiles). Unfortunately, something was triggered off in my system this last week which caught me off my tracks and I had to be in bed for a few days ( It didn't stop blogging). Sometimes back, I asked you my friends how often do we go for check ups? My bad! I am now lazy or should I openly confess that I have a phobia for hospitals. Little wonder why having doctors as friends hasn't been that easy ( apologies to whom it may concern). I am working on it people, just wait and see.
Friends, I have a phobia! What is the name of this phobia now? I mean phobia for hospitals? Yes! Nosocomephobia I am trying to address my phobia for hospital by following the advice of my learned friend who has been trying to talk me into see hospitals from a different perspective and not from the so called government hospitals that we have here in Nigeria.
First point of call he specifically said will be, Reddington Hospital and that I would be amazed how fast my phobia / fear will fly out through the window. I mean an hospital with a Royal Suite? (offers a total of 50 beds, the vast majority in single accommodation, with only a few double rooms. Each room has facilities for examination, haemodynamic monitoring & resuscitation, air conditioning, TV and an en-suite bathroom)? Nice
What is a Phobia? A phobia is a strong, persistent fear of situations, objects, activities, or persons. The main symptom of this disorder is the excessive, unreasonable desire to avoid the feared subject. Phobias are believed to be developed by heredity, genetics and brain-chemistry combine with life-experiences.
There are three basic types of phobia. These are 1. Social phobias 2. Specific phobias and 3. Agoraphobia Please feel free to choose yours from the list. At least so you just know. Blutophobia- Fear of washing or bathing. Achluophobia- Fear of darkness. Acrophobia- Fear of heights. . Aeroacrophobia- Fear of open high places. Agateophobia- Fear of insanity. Agliophobia- Fear of pain.
Agraphobia- Fear of sexual abuse. Agyrophobia- Fear of streets or crossing the street. Aichmophobia- Fear of needles or pointed objects. Ailurophobia- Fear of cats.
Alektorophobia- Fear of chickens. Algophobia- Fear of pain. Altophobia- Fear of heights. Amaxophobia- Fear of riding in a car. Ambulophobia- Fear of walking. Ancraophobia- Fear of wind. (Anemophobia) Androphobia- Fear of men.
Anthrophobia or Anthophobia- Fear of flowers. (No Valentine flowers)
Anuptaphobia- Fear of staying single. Aphenphosmphobia- Fear of being touched. Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth. Arachnephobia or Arachnophobia- Fear of spiders.
Arithmophobia- Fear of numbers. Arrhenphobia- Fear of men. Arsonphobia- Fear of fire. Atelophobia- Fear of imperfection. Athazagoraphobia- Fear of being forgotton or ignored or forgetting. Atychiphobia- Fear of failure. Autophobia- Fear of being alone or of oneself. Aviophobia or Aviatophobia- Fear of flying I am sure a lot of you will be shocked that fear of needles is a serious one that would make a babe not fix weave-on just because she doesn't want to get infected with HIV ( forget about her having her own pack of needles, she is won't be caught fixing anything) I know of few. I don't have that phobia. That's a relief! Do you know your HIV status?
This, my friends, is another gist entirely. I almost killed somebody just because I went for an all encompassing check-up 2weeks ago.