Friday, 30 September 2011

So battered........this should be STOPPED!

Please read and follow her on to get more on her story and the extent she intends to go to ensure this doesn't happen to another sister.  This is wicked!  I have been following Eunice and even paid her a visit! I truly believe that all forms of violence against women should be stopped!.  

I am not ashamed to move on and anyone in my place SHOULD NOT be! 

By Eunice Becker 

Well guys,

This is for all those faced with similar issues and those curious enough to want to know how a seemingly perfect marriage can come to a brisk and violent end. And also in memory of those who found their demise at the hands of their abusive partners and care givers.

First and foremost, I thank you for all your opinions, rebukes and support but let me tell you the story from my own point of view.

I am quite down to earth and much as I am one of the most difficult persons to deal with, I am quite loyal, honest and do not mince words in expressing my opinions and positions on matters however delicate. I also can, but I do not date wealthy men because I am a firm believer in working very hard for your desires in life and also building up with my life partner possibly from scratch so that when the success, recognition and wealth comes, I would be a proud member of the successful unit and not just because I did all the house keeping or bore all the children. I have always known that I have quite a bit to contribute to my partner’s life and as a result only took serious interest in unions that could give me the opportunity to do just that.

I am neither obedient nor submissive because my childhood and early life battles thought me NEVER to be that if I must succeed but I am extremely considerate and would sacrifice everything in fact, I would lay down my life (literally) to ensure my inner circle are fine.

My husband and I spent just six weeks getting to know each other and then got married because, at least I was certain we were a great match and there was indeed something special between us. We both decided to do whatever it took to make sure we succeeded. However, I asked for two fundamental things both of which were the core of this union and as a result the only two things as far as I could imagine capable of breaking us up and leaving us facing life again as single entities. 1) I asked that he should never lie to me because I do not know how to love, trust and believe in my partner if he is capable of lying to me and 2) He should NEVER raise his hands on me no matter how bad I hurt his feelings. He assured me he had never hit a woman before (which turned out to have been the first and a fundamental lie) and promised never to do that no matter what the problems were. He also believed in the same things I did (at least so he said) so the fact that I was quite independent was supposedly a huge plus for our union.

The first time he destroyed my laptop and beat me up it was over what movie he wanted to watch on my laptop as against the one I was already watching. The second time, which was a time I was five months pregnant was because he forbade me from attending a very important business meeting and I insisted I had to go. This time my offence is having unknowingly confirmed to his lady friend/lecturer that I am financially responsible for our family but only until he is successful enough to take over his duties. He felt so undermined by this that he argues till this minute that his actions were justified. Pushing me against scratchy walls, hitting me on the face and using an iron rod from the leg of the dining table I broke to hit me on the head repeatedly and then sitting patiently, waiting for me to come around from each of the unconsciousness and hitting me again and again thereafter. It is not a trauma I would psychologically recover from soon but that’s not the issue.

A number of people actually agree that his actions were justified but I am not interested in these opinions because we had a deal and he broke them all. I also do not and can not condone domestic violence and he knows this too well. I can’t even hit my kids or let anyone else do it because I consider even that an extreme measure. Let us also not forget that even the “tell me the truth at all times” pact was never taken seriously because day in day out, more and more lies were discovered, even lies about how much money he needs for school or what he actually uses the huge amounts of money he takes from me for….more or less stealing from me which is as good as stealing from himself. Who does that?

I enter all my relationships head first but I never hang around praying, waiting or hoping for miracles instead of doing something about my life and/or the lives of those directly dependent on me. Everybody can indeed change for the better but most times it requires a sincere determination to do so or a major jolt in one’s regular life to achieve this change. If he could change, he would have done so after the last beating so I give up and I am not sorry!
Ebele might or might not improve but I am not willing to take anymore chances than I already have. He is a great man (to be) and I am positive that with the right woman on his side, the sky may not even be his limit. However, I am not that woman and I am okay knowing and accepting this. It is nothing to be ashamed of and for those of you who think it is a thing of shame to walk out of an abusive union – you are all in my prayers.

Finally, all you men already dropping hints and notes about wanting to live happily ever after with a battered mother of two. You all better ensure your pockets are so full and your belongings that many to make even men like Bill Gates jealous…..else…. STAY OUT OF MY WAY!

And hey! One thing I know how to do exceedingly well, is to survive! So peeps, the battle continues!

Wednesday, 28 September 2011

NEPA bills - Mr and Mrs Cletus drama saga

I can now agree with my girlfriend that its not by the big cars they drive, not at all. I want to bring my challenge with my neighbour, Mr and Mrs Cletus. I mean how can they continue to go on this way even when NEPA has improved these past two months.

I share the same NEPA meter with this particular neighbour of mine. My Landlady failed not to provide my own apartment with my own personal meter, saying it doesn't matter, moreover , she complained that getting a new meter officially from NEPA can take forever. Na so I take enter anointing' with Mr and Mrs Cletus.

Several times when we get the monthly Nepa bill, ( the bill is always delivered to their flat) , they will wait until officials come and disconnect our line from the pole. Why?  I just cant understand these couple! They have the money and they would have collected my own part of the bill but yet they just like begging.

Last week Friday was another showcase of the normal drama. I happen to still be at home when the Nepa officials came. I 'negotiated' well , abi wetin woman go do. Nepa too tight for now, lol.

As I write now, they are still giving excuses why they cant go and pay the bill.  I have to change this once and for all!

Nepa well done, lol

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

To sue or not to sue the school?

My anger is beclouding my sense of reasoning.  I mean, who wont boil over and explode if they where to be in Laura's shoes.

The holidays are over and most schools have resumed. A lot of kids are excited going into a new class, other new school. The story is different for Laura, my girlfriend. Its been awhile since heard from Laura. She had travelled with the kids for the holiday. I was surprised when she called me on Friday and said I should come over. She sounded very worried. I suspected the cause but didn't want to panic.

Laura's children attend a very popular school in Yaba, Lagos. Sometime last term, her son's class teacher flogged him for an offence he allegedly committed and the cane got into his left eye.  Now the boy is almost blind in the left eye,( the eye has been operated upon, but the the eye is deteriorating, the parents have been advice to take the boy to India for further treatment, so he wont lose sight in the eye completely)

The cost of treatment is getting too much for this couple, what should they do ?  Should they sue the school?  Although, the school did part with some money for the initial treatment but that didnt do much. Laura is very worried for her son's sight and general health and she wants my candid advice, what do I tell her without being biased?

Pls your candid advice is needed?

Tuesday, 20 September 2011

Paedophile on the RUN!

What is this world turning into! It is becoming an everyday event now to hear or read of rape here, child molestation there and now Paedophile on the run?

I was narrating the ABSU gang rape story to my younger sister but instead of just being shocked , she went on to narrate a more nerve – raking  story that would make any mother, woman, in short any human being cry .

This is not a “dem say” story. It happened in this Lagos.

What was the child’s crime? I asked. ‘Hmm, Aunty, my sister explained that its because the baby was born an Albino.

The story goes thus, the father rejected the mother because she delivered the girl and she was an Albino.  He threw the mother and child out of his house.  The woman managed to get a room in a “face-me-i-face-you” compound.  She started petty trading in front of the compound they were living.

On this fateful day this incidence happened, she was outside and trying to quickly do some washing. The little girl was crying and she begged the young man ( about 23years old, who came from up town – ilu oke, as they called his village), to please help her attend to the child as she was about rinsing the clothes she was washing just a few feet away.

Sitting on a bench in the passage, he place the child in between his legs and before one knew it , he had started fingering the little girl.  She screamed but the mother not looking in their direction, just pleaded with the young man ( who happened to be the only one sitting outside then) to please rock her gently so that could stop crying but instead she screamed even much more.

By this time, he had pulled his trouser slightly down, zipped down and started to gain access into the baby. Oh my GOD!

The screaming by this time brought a middle aged man from inside the compound outside who caught him in the act. All hell was let loose as he couldn’t deny it.

God help our girl child!  I screamed!

The noise attracted people , who gathered to hear the story, some shouting, others accusing and while all of this was going on, the young man escaped!

I was shaking by this time. I enquired more, what happened to the child?  Was she taken to the hospital?  My sister who happens to be frequent in that area as result of her job, said the woman said she couldn’t afford hospital bill, so she only gave the child paracetamol. PARACETA WHAT?

I am angry.  Why na?  Does it mean being an Albino is now the woman’s fault or a what?  The child I learnt is not her usual self anymore. She doesn’t want to play with anyone nor eat.  Poor child.

Who knows who will be his next victim? He is obviously good at it. A Paedophile indeed!  

NB: paedophile esp, US, pedophile [ˈpiːdəʊˌfaɪl]. n. (Psychiatry) a person who is
sexually attracted to children. ThesaurusLegend

Monday, 19 September 2011


The weekend was beautiful, i was able to rest after a very hectic week, and what better way to exhale and share than with my trusted friend, Lewis. I have a couple of single parents friends that i hang out with whenever i can. Lewis is a daddy of two lovely damsels.

Our telephone conversation was a very long one because he lives in Port- Harcourt, and he needed to catch up on what’s been going on the Eko axis of naija, lol.  He misses the hustling and bustling of everyday Lagos life.  Well, for starter, it had to be football.  Oh yes! I actually discussed football! I mean, why wont I? I am a loyal ManU fan, so I mean, its like, I should flaunt our Wins, lol. Na God say make all the gist dey for phone or else I for dey serious trouble. ( he is an Arsenal fan).

We usually have this sessions where we check up on each other to know how our girls are doing. Its been helpful.  But the recent happenings that were published in the papers came up in our chat. I mean the raping of the 9 years old girl by two men (she was left in care of her ‘Madam’). Also the gang raping of the female student of ABSU.   The question my friend asked was shocking as well as soul searching for me. God help us in this our country.

I mean the authorities would drag their feet on issues like theses and be quick to deny it or better put they are working on it until the whole issue dies down completely and its forgotton.  Parents of little angels and princess like us have a great issue on our hands. How do we ensure that our beauties are protected from such evil that is engulfing our societies on a daily basis?

Paedophile ?  This is one word that scares the life out of me!  What about you?

Saturday, 17 September 2011

How it all started.........

A pretty young, hardworking and fun-loving lady.......this best described me way back then, but not anymore, at least or does it? lol

I met my Cee, in line of duty. He was such a gentleman even though my friends thought he was a jerk but not me. I saw no fault. Unknown to me he was in the a terrible relationship and i was his excuse to break free.  For four years , we dated.

He had everything perfectly under control. I trusted and loved him He explained everything to me about the other relationship and i was okay with it.

I was on the pills , that means, school and work was progressing perfectly and romance was blissful until i realised i was pregnancy! All hell broke loose! My dashing prince was as ugly in all ramification of the word. he was nasty, called me names and just adviced that i go do what my other mated did in my situation......have an abortion!

I couldnt bring myself to do it. As bad as it was that my faith didnt allow it, i had nightmares. Everynight, was a different story.  I ran away from my apartment and went to live with a girlfriend for the first 3 months. It wasn't funny, there were nights i stayed up till 4am just beacuse i was hearing babies crying. I couldnt bring myself to tell anyone but my girlfriend Liz.  She understood me.

The early signs of pregnancy made waking up early for work, a different story entirely. I wasnt meeting up with  my job. My boss noticed and double my targets and it was a death wish. He called it "punishment" for me, for getting pregnant outside wedlock! I had to get to the office by 7am and wont close until 9pm everyday! I got home somedays by 11pm ( if the traffic is not so bad). The office officially opens by 8am and closes by 5pm. I had to be leaving the house by 5:30am daily , so that i could beat early morning traffic. By the 4th month, i fell sick, i had threathen abortion! i was admitted for 7days!

Thank God, i was rushed to the hospital on time or else i would have lost my baby. My boss was "caring" indeed.  He sent word to me , quoting him ' let the weak say, i am strong" lol, very funny.

I was discharged and the workload was just doubled this time around.  Indeed i was being punished from all indication. I needed to keep my mind occupied with positive thoughts , because  bills had to be paid and i was officially a single mummy in the making.

The side talks in the office was enough to break any heart but i had to be strong. My once upon a time sweet, charming, Cee, wasnt anywhere to be found, not even when I called his phone number!  I closed his page a long time ago and moved on.

By the 6th month, i was rushed again into the hospital for another round of threaten abortion! I cant afford to loose this baby. ( I was glad, the GP that attended to me was such a nice man. He was the one that delievered my Princess at the end of the day). I was there for another 7days!

A few friends stood by me and my 2 fairy godmothers. My siblings , a wonderful bunch!

At the end of the 9th month, and a whole world of experience, my PRINCESS was born ! Grateful for life and the experience thus far, but i am happy i passed through it.

Friday, 16 September 2011

Crying Princess

I am new to blogging but certainly not new to being a single mother.  Today wasn't so different at all, instead, as  i write this, a lot of serious thoughts are going through my head.

For starters,  it was a fun-filled summer holiday for my Princess and myself. My Princess will be resuming in a new school! That is such a relief! I couldn't wait for last term to end so that i can register her in the new school.

I had gone to the school to make all the enquiries and was comfortable with what i saw. On Tuesday, I took her to the school for the registration and to have her measurement taken for the new school uniform. She was given a wonderful reception by the Proprietress of the school. The bond was so strong, i was almost jealous. I loved it.

I got a call from my sister, Xty, saying her daughter Kiki has asking to see my Princess. On my was out, i decided to drop her at my sister's for a 2 days sleep-over . She came back from my sister's place tonight and was in tears. I was so afraid, i asked my younger sister Lenny, who helped bring her back home what happened, she simply smiled and told me to ask my daughter. Her reply was not funny at all. I had to hug and pet my Princess, i was alarmed.  When she was able to finally say what the problem was, my heart just broke! She missed her 'sister' Kiki

Kiki is an only daughter too!. The bond between these two is so strong even in sickness. That's another story for another day. Anyway, I was able to make her understand that she will be seeing Kiki soon.

I understand how lonely my Princess is being an only child but what can i do? Time will certanly tell

Tuesday, 13 September 2011


Welcome to my blog. A whole new stage. An avenue to exhale. I hope this blog allows me to be as single and free a mum as i enjoy being one , lol