Tuesday, 12 February 2013

When A Married Bachelor Hurts

How I have come to find myself in this position can only is beyond me. I mean, what do I know? I just mind my business and trying to heal daily - as a work-in-progress single mother. Daily, I find myself interacting with a lot of people on different issues as parents ( and parenting); either married, separated, single, divorced or the latest, married single and come to the conclusion that a lot of married men are hurting.
Its a wonder how come they are still hanging in there ( I want to believe for others to share from their experiences too).
I have agreed to share and ask you all to help advice these new sets of friends of mine . We all can help a broken heart heal, who knows, helping a marriage get back together, a hurting child's prayers might just come through as the parents come back together again. I want to start with one that is so touching. He really needs advice on what to do. Tobi, is a bubbling young man. Hard working and a dedicated business owner. He is married to his high school sweetheart. Her name is Boluwatife. Tobi, is a few years older than Bolu. Back then in school, Tobi was two classes ahead of Bolu, and she accorded him so much respect that after high school it continued until their relationship blossomed into a romantic one which later led into them getting married. Life couldn't have been any better for Tobi as he thanked God daily for being so blessed. They had a son soon after their wedding and both families where excited and continued to pray for the couple's progress. In other to help her hubby, Bolu, got a job with Lagos State Ministry, a welcome relief it was for Tobi as business wasn't looking too good for him.
As months went on, Bolu got promoted (she is now a senior manager with better remuneration) and Tobi business nose-dived daily. He sourced for other means to keep his family but the bedroom became a war zone. Worried about the change in his wife, Tobi, would always call his parents or his in-laws to intervene and to make peace as that was the only medicine that cured their ailing marriage. However, as much as both parents didn't want their children's home to break up, they soon got tired and confronted Tobi to work out his problems with his wife and not involve them any longer. Confused Tobi, who had no intention of having extra marital affairs started having second thoughts. He loves his wife and son deeply but this was getting more depressing daily. Bolu couldn't be bothered. She denied him sex and wouldn't sleep in the same bedroom with her husband. A whole year and six months denying her husband sex was enough to crumble Tobi. She did cook though, aside that, nothing else.
On one of those days when the parents intervened, they had the bedroom to themselves. Tobi, was happy. He thought the silent treatment was over and his wife was back to her lovely self. Unknown to him, a few months has passed and she had gotten pregnant without his content of having another child. He only noticed when the pregnancy had gone 6months! Confused,Tobi kept wondering how did this happen. There was no plan for another child. At least not until his finances had improved compared to what they had at the momemt. For all he cared these thoughts of his weren't in line with Bolu's as she had her own plans and didn't want Tobi in any of them. He is afraid of what the wife might do next. He is contemplating going out and getting into an affair. So many thoughts flooding his mind and worst is he is not even sure if the pregnancy is his own! He has been sleeping on the couch now for months! His business is not doing as he had anticipated. He is proud and loving father but his son has seen more than enough for a little child his age to be able to conclude that something is not right between his parents.
I got a call last night from Tobi that his wife has put to birth a baby girl. He is not a happy man. In a few days it will be the naming ceremony of the baby. Will he be naming a child he is not sure is his own? Will the wife bring up some pranks to show to the world he is the man he used to be? What a lot of questions! I need for us to help Tobi at least get his mind back and if not for anything his pride back as a Man , happily married and not a married single hurting man. Thank you


Anonymous said...

This is a touching story.
I hope we all learn from other people.
Thanks for sharing.

Unveilinggold said...

Wow the lord is his strength...

I say, He should continue to be the loving man that he is and draw near to God in word and prayer...

Myne Whitman said...

This is so one-sided. I don't even know what to say. How is he treating the wife, does he help around the home? Do they have family planning, if not, could that be reason his wife was rejecting sex? He needs to sit down and communicate with his wife like an adult. Maybe he still sees her as his junior in school, now she is a working women, wife and mother. Love and respect will get a man in many women's good treatment and good sex.

olakunle fapohunda said...

Sometimes a man is faced with difficult situations that needs firm decisions. I think Tobi should do whatever will make him happy cos if he dies of worry the woman will live.

sykik said...

I don't know what to say. They need counseling ASAP.

Ritty said...

@Sykik, I completely agree with you. I am of the opinion that this marriage can work even better than what it was before.

God is faithful and a perfecter of things

Ritty said...

@Olakunle, I know the situation is bad but that doesn't mean Tobi should give up on his marriage, wife and children. No good thing comes easy. Most homes today have had their own challenges, its just because we are reading of Tobi's today. I am sure a lot of other couples have had to go through worst situations and still held on , trusting that it is worth giving it another try.

My advice is that Tobi, should seek counsel and trust again in the love they once shared.

The children needs their parents. A broken home is not the best, i know that for sure

Ritty said...

@Myne, girlfriend, I think so too. Tobi should have some good sitting-down-and-lets-talk-this-over, time with his wife.

7 years into a marriage is not something one gives up on just like that. I believe the wife must be angry with him over a flimsy issue and he hasn't come to understand how hurt she is.

Maybe the talking it over session will open his eyes to them

Ritty said...

@Unveilinggold, strong advice. I agree with you completely

Happy Valentine's day dear

Ritty said...

@Simply Mee, my darling, I can't imagine the pain and hurt married couples are going through. This one just broke me down.

I pray they sort it out soonest.

Happy Val dear. Greet Mr. Niyi :)