Friday, 25 January 2013

I Am Proud of My Status...A Single Mom

Friends, I now have a Nanny ( I refuse to call her house-help cos she is basically here to help Princess and not me.) So I am allowed to be lazy for a couple of weeks ( whenever I want to), that she will be with me. Breakfast in bed started the mornings.....beautiful. The thought of all that I have dreamed of doing if only I had an extra hand is all coming to me. What a wonderful world mine is becoming. Gosh! Tomorrow is Saturday! Yipppy! I am officially on public holiday, hehehehe. I love this life! I mean, I can be in bed for most of the morning and be rest assured that Princess is being looked after while I just lie down there is bed. Wonderful. Please, don't blame me for sounding like this, its been rough having to do so many things all at the same time by myself. And just when I want to little time to myself, I have to attend to a call her her Ladyship with "Mum, I need you to have a look at this for me". I get no quiet time in the mornings except that time she is off to bed. But that is not enough. SO you see, I am not going to be dealing with any guilt anymore at least for now, until further notice. This brings me to the main gist here. This image here was gotten from a friend's DP (display picture on her Blackberry). I liked it and decided to use it as my DP too. Little did I know that I was going to be getting some instant disapproval from my concerned friends. By the way, I am Proud of who I am but obviously my married girlfriend from way back when we were kids wasn't comfortable with it and she had to ping me continuously to 'address" the issue. She sent me a message "please don't be" "This is Africa"! What? I couldn't put it together. What was she talking about? I went "Huh"?. She replied, "Your display name of course" I asked her " What has Africa got to do with it? Goodness! She went on to explain. There is absolutely nothing ethically wrong with being a single the world over but here in Africa, there is everything wrong" For Real? Now I was more curious to hear her enlighten me. She continued, "First, the stigmatization. Secondly, Low self worth. Thirdly, Social , emotional strangulation and a host of others. My dear, this is the society we have found ourselves. Friends, I love my girlfriend and she is educated, sound and a good wife. Do I share her opinion? Do you agree with her on this? DO you really believe our society has left single moms to our fate because it is "Africa" ? It got me.I am not going to accept what the society thinks of my status as a Single mother and doing something about it for me is just the right step I am taking. I want to thank ZEAL who is a proud single mother too and is doing something about it as she has dedicated a song in her next forth coming album to single mothers in Nigeria, Africa and the world over. "IF I were to be ashamed of my choices, I wouldn't be Ritty - SingleNaijaMum! Do have a lovely weekend


LadyNgo said...

Single mothers (especially WoC) have been ostracized the world over, certainly not just Africa. But just because the world feels one way doesn't mean a single mother should carry her head any less high. So long as she is doing what she needs to do to take care of her child(ren) and herself, who cares what anyone else thinks. Funny how the men who helped create single mothers never seem to catch anywhere near as much flack.
Anywho, have a great weekend hun :)

sykik said...

I can't wrap my head around this your friend's explanation. When did it become a sin to be a single mum? Would she have prefered ladies going for abortions or sitting put in violent relationships just to wear the "mrs" title ni? I don't understand....... Please, be proud of who you are jare. God will definitely bring someone who would love you for who you are, someone who would accept Princess as his own, someone who would be proud to show you off to friends, neighbors, family and foes.

We owe it to the society to change our mindset about some things. I abhor sin but would rather that we don't let people wallow in guilt when we can show them the light. If you don't know the story, don't ain't no mills and boons

Strong Self said...

In as much as people tend to see a thing differently, I really think whoever one is should be a thing of pride. For that's the only way to peaceful living. Being a single Mum shouldn't be the issue abeg, there many things to focus on. Are single Mums not mothers too? Abeggii...

Ritty said...

@LadyNgo, hello dear.I really don't want to know what people think these days any more. I have gotten pass that stage. I have paid my dues, its time to move on and that is what I am doing. I hope to do it very well too.

About the men, hmmm. I rest my case.

My weekend was beautiful. Thank you

Ritty said...

@Sykik, when you have friends, sisters who want to protect you from the world that see being single as a Sin, then be prepared for "address the issue" gist like this one.

I have had enough of 'hiding' from the world.

I once had a boss who was so sure him "punishing " me because I got pregnant out of wedlock was his way of "address the issue" in his own case.He almost made me loss my pregnancy of Princess twice dues to intentional stress given to me as my Boss, to ensure that I felt his disappointment. I got to the office for 7am and wont close till 9pm some days. I worked the Island and was living then in Ikorodu. No it wasn't a Bank.

I was so afraid as I thought standing up to him would mean , no money or financial benefits that comes with maternity leave ( which I didn't get at the end of the day though but a sack letter on my resumption!).

The irony of the story is that his mother was married to 3 different men! He was the product of the third marriage! How "holy" was his mother? I am sure others have their own stories too

Sometimes we need to stand up for out rights! *Activist Singlenaijamum! *winks and smiles*

Ritty said...

@Strong Self, single mothers are mothers jare. If I may say this, more dotting ones at that.

sykik said...

I am sure it was his own loss and your gain. He removed his carpet for God to lay you Persian rug ni jare. You have your daughter and am sure every time you see her you are grateful to God for making you a mother.

Anonymous said...

I disagree with your friend. Princess is a beauty and intelligent gal that will make any mother proud!
My dear friend, as long as you are happy.
Have a lovely weekend